| Life And Death In A Few Pixels |
Wednesday, April 25, 2001
I Never Thought I Would Say It: But here goes.. WTF?!?!? This is the most brilliant piece of Flash mastery I have ever seen, It's brought to you by my most venerable friend Chachi, it's called Life And Death In A Few Pixels. This is a MUST see, complete and utter BRILLIANCE I tell you!! Click Here NOW. BTW, the main character in the animation is the author's self portrait. Monday, April 23, 2001
Video Makes Me Laugh! Well.. in my update earlier today I mentioned that I was going to look at camcorders.. well.. I bought one. The thing about video cameras is that you can do really stupid things and not even realize you're doing it.. here's a Sample of all the wonderful things you can do!! You'll need the DivX codec (Mpeg4) to view it, get it Here if you don't have it! Enjoy! Monday, April 23, 2001
Oh Woe is me! Sorry for the lack of updates lately folks.. I've been really busy lately(drinking) and I haven't been able to update, I'm going to look at video cameras tonight so maybe I'll have some great new multimedia (I hate that word) fun for you soon! Wednesday, April 18, 2001
I like pie. The homeowners association has been giving me trouble lately. They say I'm not allowed to mow my lawn in a thong anymore, as there are children in the neighborhood. They are Nazis. My neighbor has been spying on me. I can sense his penetrating gaze as I get dressed in front of my open window. I think he is starting to get suspicious and knows something about the legion of flipper-babies that I've been hording away in my basement for the past seven years, I'm afraid he will talk. He must be silenced. Sometimes I lie awake in bed and dream of a better life; one where I don't have to live in fear. Someone help me. It has been years since anyone has come to visit me, I've been told it's a bit turn-offish that my walls are covered in my own crude coal renderings of Pierce Brosnan in Shakespearian garb, however they keep me company on rainy days and sleepless nights. Last night I heard my mother in tears begging for me to come home on the answering machine as I shivered beneath my blanket made from human hair and toenail clippings, I ignored her. I can't come home, not yet. The people at the Sizzler need and depend on me, I am part of something finally, part of a team. You wanted to control me mommy. I can't allow that. I am meant for big things. Just you wait and see. Monday, April 16, 2001
The Magnificent Meat Obelisk! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! It�s been yet another LOVELY Christian holiday for my good Christian FAMILY EEHEHEHEE!! GOOD CHRISTIAN HOLIDAYS MEAN WE GET BOOZE AND I GET TO DRINKIES LOTS OF MARGARITAS AND STUFF!! Oh me oh my! I get ahead of myself! Oh wait.. no I didn�t! hehehehehe I DON�T KNOW WHERE I AM! WORMS IN MY BRAIN WORMS IN MY BRAIN!! I played with Flash today a little bit, and ended up with a clip of some jackass on a horse (you know who you are Spencer) being sucked into a swirling anus of doom whilst the lone ranger song played, triumphantly heralding his demise, but my server provider wouldn�t like me putting a flash animation with a swirling anus of doom on their server so I�ll be a good little boy and I won�t do it cuz I�m just that kinda nice guy! If anyone really wants to see it you can email me and I�ll give you the addy that it�s stored at. What to do with the evil Waldorf salad?! WHO KNOWS! But it will most certainly be WACKY and EXCITING! MERRY EASTER, JOYOUS KWANZAA!! Sunday, April 15, 2001
My Mind Is Gone.. I�ve spent much time tonight brainstorming about what I should write for my blurb tonight, and after hours of ideas and failing to execute them in a way that was satisfactory to me I have given up on the brainstorming process and I have decided that my mind has finally completely evaporated. Actually, I believe my brains have been devoured by parasites. Perhaps they are worms. Who knows? Lately my thoughts and memories have been slipping away from me at a frightening pace. Not that my thoughts really do me any good anyway as they are normally responsible for me doing inane things like stopping my POS van in the middle of the road and screaming �THIS VAN IS POWERED BY ROCK N� ROLL, BABY!!!� then gunning the accelerator and careening into a bus full of handicapped kids. Try explaining that one to the officers. Another example of my mind failing me is the fact that I forgot to take my keys with me when I went outside on Friday, resulting in me being locked out. I spent an hour awaiting rescue at my decrepit neighbors house. Now normally this wouldn�t be a problem, but I was forced to look at his �new� record player and observe in unbridled horror as he made me listen to �Little Brown Jug� 3 times and finally deciding to barrage my senses with a Glen Miller record, while I patiently watched on, praying silently for the sweet release of death. Needless to say, my desperate pleas for release fell upon deaf ears. After an hour of this mortifying torture I was released from the pit of despair that is my neighbor�s basement, leaving my mind in a state of disarray from which it will never recover. Friday, April 13, 2001
Enter Stupidity: No content for you. I just finished playing around with flash again, so right now my brain is fried. I have finished the beginning of what is probably going to be an ongoing piece of digital dung, that will no doubt place a stye in the eye of lady internet, you may glimpse a preview of this abomination right Here, perhaps I will write a little blurb later... Thursday, April 12, 2001
Pray For Mojo! Well folks, last night/this morning before I went to bed I started playing with flash, I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. It's really not as hard as I thought it was, so far I've managed to come up with This. Not too bad for a first try eh? I'll be playing around with flash a lot more and hopefully I'll be able to do something a little more advanced eventually. In other news: My new domain appears to be working, at least for me, so if you're getting here, update your bookmarks! There's still much left to do with the site, so it's bound to be in a perpetual state of construction for an indefinite amount of time as I'm constantly changing things that I don't like about it, eventually I shall find something that works for me as well as you, the reader. If you come across any broken links or anything else that isn't working as it should fire some Email my way. Wednesday, April 11, 2001
Celebrate Good Times! Today is a little different than yesterday, mostly because today is today and yesterday was yesterday making at least a time difference, which is different! Well anyway, if you're reading this you've probably noticed that I now have a real domain name, http://www.theoffal.com is the new address obviously. I'd tell you to update your bookmarks but I somehow doubt anyone has this page bookmarked so it matters not! Hopefully I'll be able to do some cool stuff with this page in the coming days and weeks and months. Tuesday, April 10, 2001
Oh Happy Day! I have blessed (meaning cursed) you all with some content! First things first though, I managed to get the dancing mom video to sit up properly. Second thing being I wrote a quick little story today, it's not my best, but it's a start, I think I may make a regular thing out of Story Time!.
Hooooo Boy... Well Good evening boys and girls, yesssss I know the Javascript error hasn't been fixed yet, but I'm working on it, I'm dead tired at the moment, but I have a special gift for all of you, this is a MUST SEE, this is a clip of my mother doing the most laughable and rediculous dance I've ever seen. Sorry about it being on it's side, I have NO idea how to change that, so if anyone does, be sure to Drop Me A Line. And Now.. without further adue, I give you the Unbelievably Hilarious Dancing Mom!!! Read It And Weep. Sunday, April 08, 2001
Yes I AM! A winner is me! Finally I managed to get my ISP to give me my freakin password, so now I have all sorts of bogus media to barrage your senses! Simply Amazing.. Isn't it strange how 100% pure evil can take the guise of pure innocence and people will miss it? If you don't know what I'm talking about click This. Now personally I think that wav file embodies all that I fear in this life and more, and I often find it more than I can take and quite frequently find myself strung out and lying head first inside of a "Long John Silvers" dumpster with a strange tingling sensation encompasing my entire body, realizing that this wav causes me to go into a fugue state after listening to it more than once I've cut my daily intake of Devil Child sound effects down to simply several times a day. I seem to be having some javascript errors in all browsers, hang in there, I'll figure it out in a jiffy!
The Children Of The (Bug)Light... This evening when I came home from driving aimlessly through South Florida with my friend anthony (Whom I shall call "The Rimmer" from now on for anonymity purposes) I noted a moth that decided to rest his weary wings upon my lit monitor, no doubt drawn to the emitted light as most moth's are. Upon seeing him/her (I can't make any assumptions as to the moth's actual sex and I'd hate to be smited for belittling female/male moths, who know's what kind of strange minority rights group they may be a part of) sitting there my mind immediatly raced to find a solution to it's prescence. I was alarmed by the fact that in my head I referred to it as a "Winged Beast". I decided to strike up idle conversation with my new friend. After talking to it about my day, and eventually weeping openly about all my joys, heartbreaks, and loves long lost, I leaned back and stared expectantly at it awaiting an answer. However when no rebuttal came I became quite anxious and craved retribution for it's insolence. I swatted the stuck up little bastard with the palm of my hand, leaving a brown powdery mark next the "Viewsonic" birds on my monitor. After whiping away the offensive stain I began to fear the possible vengeance that his brothers and sisters may decide to visit upon me while I slept. You see, as of late the place I like to call home has been invaded by a nomadic swarm of moths, they seem to be everywhere, I even found one floating in my contact lens solution last night, who knows where they are coming from, they just appeared here one day and have been here ever since. I suspect the moth high council is experimenting with interdimensional travel, as it is much more efficient than flying with such a small wingspan. The moths leer cruelly at me with their little black eyes as they stare at me whenever I go into the kitchen, hanging safely out of my reach like a swarm of little brown bats that like light rather than darkness. I fear they are plotting against me and someday will descend upon me and steal my flesh away from me like one of those 80's After School Special bully's would a lollipop from a child. If I never post again it is because I have suffered the horendous death of consumption by a seething mass of brown wings and antenae. Saturday, April 07, 2001
Well, this morning I worked until 8:30 in the morning working out bugs and stuff on the page because I didn't like the template. I just got up (6:30PM) and I'm ready to get the hell outta here. I had an odd dream that a female other than my ex g/f liked me, why is it that the woman of your dreams only exists IN your dreams. *sigh* I suppose that's why they call her the woman of your dreams, how lame. Hollywood tells me I'm supposed to meet someone like that someday, but then again Hollywood also tells me that a giant meteor is coming to destroy the earth and only Bruce Willis can save me. I am in desparate need for the new Tool album.. me thinks it's going to be good, if not too bad I'm still gonna buy it because Tool kicks arse. Ok.. I have to leave.. I'm slowly starving to death although by looking at me you wouldn't be able to tell.
Well.. this is my first post to this thing. I'm jumping on the bandwagon because a bunch of people I know are doing this and it seems like a good idea today at 3:30 in the morning so here I go.. i may never post on here again as my life is about as exciting as watching "Gone With The Wind" and I've found that the only thing even remotely fun that I do normally involves doing nothing at all. So as anyone who actually read this can probably tell, I'm not a very interesting individual at all, although I may say something funny once in a while, now with that out of the way: Pointless Quote that amuses me: Tonight, friends and I played with condoms. I got one over my head, but unfortunatly the people watching me thought it was funny and it made me laugh, so the condom began to inflate WHILE on my head, and unfortunatly it popped before I could punch an airhole in it, I would have worn it all night despite the desperate constriction of the base of the condom had it not burst :(. I still have lube in my hair. It was worth it though. You'd be surprised how much stress a condom can take before it breaks though, I'll never worry about it breaking from the force of my minute member again, if the thing can hold like 3 gallons of water it can most certainly handle my seed. Other events consisted of filling one with cigarette smoke, mixing vinegar and baking soda and watching it inflate, wearing them as gloves and shoes, death by flame, and testing to see how long it would take for the contents of an aerosol can to melt through it. That's the most incredible thing to happen to me all week. But don't worry, more excitement is sure to follow presently, that is if the mound of failure and wasted lies that I call my brain will allow me to think clearly for long enough to publish something (not) pertinent. :) Man.. I'm never gonna get the smell of lube and latex off my skin. Oh well, I'll get used to it. And with this I leave you with a link to the greatest Flash movie I've seen all week: |